Oil Grass Water

Oil pits dominate the landscape at the Superfund site where the Malone Service Company processed waste chemicals and oils from 1964 to 1996. (NOAA)

Sometimes, it seems to me,  my bi-polar manias and depressions are like oil and water.   They don’t really mix,  even if at times it seems they get shaken together quite vigorously in life’s cruet.  It is certainly easy for me to see my depressions as viscous, tarry pits which the emotional protection agency will have to spend lots of money to clean up.   I’m honestly unsure as I write this whether I am experiencing a manic episode in a larger depressive period or if I have cycled up to manic.   I know that I have been awake for more than 24 hours and am starting to write a third blog post in a row.    This is definitely a symptom of mania.   And yet prior to this recent burst of writing productivity,  I would have sworn in court that I was depressed.     I have to wonder how any of my family and friends could hope to cope with my ever changing moods,  when even I can’t seem to keep track of where I am.

Sometimes it seems to me,  I quite fail to see the forest for all the trees.   A couple of days ago I wrote with great seriousness that I was thinking of posting more curated content,  to ease somewhat the burden of writing a new post every day.    So I dutifully wrote a new post that was all about the image I linked to and the post was mostly geared towards encouraging the reader to click the link and look at the image on the site I grabbed it from.     I announced with great fanfare my introductory effort at curatorial content.    Then I took a good look at all of the other posts currently on my front page.   And found post after post that mostly seemed to promote the blog from which I downloaded the post image. It was rather a relief to realize that I have already been doing more or less exactly what I said I was going to start doing.   Do you think I can pass this off a mature consistency?

And finally today,  my thanks to Mithu Hassan for suggesting these words.

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7 comments on “Oil Grass Water

  1. I think a lot of us are the last to know when it comes to identifying our moods. I realize you are describing a much more extreme situation, but I often get surprised by folks asking me why I am so happy or sad or whatever. After an emotional inventory, I usually agree, but I can’t figure out why I did not know first.

    I am glad you have a plan for your blog postings. I am still working on that. I may be in need of some mentoring to find my direction!

  2. To take three words and write, as Dom mentioned, every day is quite a feat! To write every day in itself is impressive – thanks for the post.

  3. Alan, bravo my friend, you have surpassed yourself in this post. Brilliant! I love the insight into your bi-polar musings as someone who has family with this it is rare to understand what goes on with the moods. I have witnessed it but not understood it from the person’s side. I know that medication does even out the moods, but it is a lifetime of monitoring.

  4. Virtually everyone in my husband’s family falls somewhere on the bipolar spectrum, so I have spent decades watching this from the outside. Some have the classic highs of mania and lows of depression, but I’ve also seen mania within depression — one relative basically lives in that mixed state. I’d take staying up 24 hours as a signal that something is off.

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