It’s not something I’m proud of, but the fact is I can be an extremely stubborn son of a bitch. I have yet again quite deliberately blown off another 4pm deadline. I honestly could not tell you why I felt so vehemently that I would not write this post at 1:30 in the afternoon, in order to get it published by the deadline. And yet I found myself quite refusing to write. Somehow I am a temperamental artiste, even to myself. This can be less than convenient at times, such as when a more rational part of me insists that deadlines need to be kept, even if we really aren’t in the mood to write.
I suppose I really can characterize my pre-deadline recalcitrance as ‘moody’, although that probably isn’t an adjective I would have selected in a description if it hadn’t been one of the words of the day. And I don’t think my non-writing mood could accurately be described as pouty, at all. I suppose that sometimes I do sit and pout a bit, but usually not for very long. I know in my heart that it is usually much better to just get back to working at what you want to make happen. Though every now and then I think everyone just needs to sit and feel sorry for themselves for a little while.
In preparation for possibly gathering this one year’s worth of blog posts, which I’ve come to think mostly do qualify as little essays, into a book next year, I went back and read the first six months or so of posts. And was a bit appalled to see just how much time I went on and on about working on a revision of Walking Down The Avenue, which I never have released. I’m kind of appalled at all of those words maniacally written about a book that I haven’t even been able to bring myself to actually publish. (The fact that Empire Avenue missions can to some extent drive real social interaction is it seems to me tempered by the fact that the blogger (writer, photographer, videographer, Facebook rock star) has to actually do all of that socializing with all of those people. Empire Avenue missions only really drive traffic that you’ve earned socially. Which makes it not the pot of gold that folks were chasing when Empire Avenue first introduced missions.
I did write a section about missions, but I remain unsatisfied with the whole ‘missions’ thing, and am certainly feeling some burnout with blog promotion, when I’m supposed to be cranking out a new post that day and just don’t feel there is any way that I could promote another post every darned day. I am truly looking forward to blogging on a twice a week schedule next year. I suspect it will feel like a vacation. In looking over all of those posts I am a bit amazed at all of the different subjects I wrote about and all of the incredible comments I’ve received over the course of this year. Even as I find myself so anxious for the year to finally be over, I am genuinely glad that I tried this challenge. I am hopeful that I will get a book of essays out of it. And I already know that the real reward was all of the friendship and kindness I’ve received from so many different readers over the course of the year.
And finally, my sincerest thanks to Allen for suggesting today’s words.