Apple Outcast Adventure

Today I find myself contemplating the middle one of these three words– outcast.   Not a very pleasant word, certainly.    And an even more unpleasant thing to feel.  People gossip.   People talk.   This has always been true and probably always will be.   I learned a long time ago that it is best just to ignore idle gossip and not to worry about what people you don’t know well say about you behind your back.  It seems to me that one definition of a friend is one who would never talk about you behind your back.  Or perhaps that is not fair.  Maybe one definition of a friend might be one who would never share with you what others say about you behind your back.

I feel certain that unceremoniously dropping the former friend who repeated to me some nasty gossip that supposedly people here in my (physical) area have been saying about me was the right thing to do. I continue to sit here scratching my head in dis-belief that this guy seemed to think he was telling me something I didn’t know by sharing two of my most obvious flaws with me.   Honestly,  I have long, long known that I tend to be self-centered and manipulative.   I try most of the time to repress these un-flattering traits,  and am painfully aware that I do now always succeed in doing so.  Part of me is annoyed with myself for continuing to stew about my former friend.    I kind of want to kick myself for continuing to replay scenes from the ten years of our friendship,  struggling to see where I might have observed earlier that the guy does not share my basic values and outlook.   Yet the other part of me knows that there are no do-overs and that one must accept their friends as they are.   Or stop being friends with them.   And any way you cut it,  losing a friend always hurts.


11 comments on “Apple Outcast Adventure

  1. Thank you so much for sharing. I have been battling an internal dialogue about a friend that was in my life for so long and left so quickly. The emotional rollercoaster has been awful. You’re courage to be so honest and raw makes this a valuable post.

  2. I never really know what I’m going to find when I pop over here. This was a good one. It could have been me writing it, except that I don’t think that I am always so honest with myself or anywhere near as open. Thank you!

  3. It’s never easy to lose a friend, but from the sounds of it, you cutting this one loose was just admitting it – sounds like the friendship you cherished was already gone. You deserve better. Sometimes, you have to cut out the toxic things and people in your life, even if you once cared about them. But I am sorry for your loss. 😦

    • I don’t necessarily need a personal intervention from Elizabeth Kubler Ross but I find I am painfully aware that losing a friend is awfully much like a friend dying. Looking back I can see it was subtle before it was glaring. And yet as it happened I did not notice it was happening. Life is funny, no?

  4. gossip cannot physically hurt you – pity the person who feels the need to try and undermine you – you must be doing something right that is causing envy by the gossiper. In summary, screw them, be proud and confident.

    • and the sad fact is, all 7 billion of us simply can’t ALL be Facebook friends with each other. If you are meeting tons of people, I think you have to acknowledge that you are sorting them into ones you would and wouldn’t like to know better. It’s kind of a constant process, and deciding to put someone in your nah stack shouldn’t be that big a deal. It is fascinating to me how sometimes people react very negatively to being brushed aside, only to brush folks aside themselves just as casually.

  5. I have had people come in to my life that I knew I would probably someday tick off. Almost every time I have felt that way at some point that has happened. It hurts at the time but these people were quite negative in my life and in the long run I am better off surrounding myself with positive people.

    • Well…it seems to me if you don’t know how to have a disagreement it’s not much of a relationship anyway. I do think you are generally better without negative people in your life, though I think sometimes you have to look beyond the surface.

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