Trying To Get Better

So I had my doctor visit.   Got my insulin and my pills.   Came home and slept a lot.    Sad to say after a full week on the pills and insulin I still feel like dreck.      Honestly I’ve just been too depressed to post to this blog every day,  let along promote the posts, reply to comments and be real sociable on Facebook,  Twitter, etc.

I am thinking that next month when my Medicare starts I’m going to try to insist that my doc at the clinic send me to see a shrink,  who will hopefully put me back on anti-depressants and an anti-anxiety medicine.    I’ve long known of course that my bi-polar is cyclical.  and I also realize that I was manic for a long, long stretch.   Yet this damned depression seems to be hanging on for freaking forever and I am growing very weary of it.

And yet,  I try so hard to hang on to hope.   Hope that some day in the not too distant future that I will be able to get all of the medicines I need to keep me well.   That some day I will again feel real joy in my every day activities.  That the day may come when I can read a newspaper and not fly into a blinding rage at people who politically oppose health care reform and civil rights.   Yet I fear,  as Supertramp sang in their song Rudy,   “…that it may come too late.  Too late.”

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5 comments on “Trying To Get Better

  1. Yeah, well. Not sure you can blame “bi-polar disorder” for the blinding rage – that’s just your intelligence speaking. But I hear ya. I hope that the day will come when everyone who needs mental healthcare can get it, just like they would any other type of healthcare, and that we can all get decent healthcare for a reasonable cost.

  2. Hi Alan, I’ve been thinking of you, wondering where you are, and more importantly how you are, sometimes fearing the worse of you. I’m not the only one wondering this, as I am sure you know, even tweets appear asking when can we/I expect our next #definethis. Don’t know if you up to watching a film or even if you can find it but an English comedy comes to mind “Four weddings and an funeral” and anything by that other famous bi-polarist Stephen Fry. Sending you the warmest greeting I can muster on this moderately cool autumn night, down under.

  3. Thank you for sharing, Alan. You may know that I am on disability for physical and emotional issues. I am bipolar with depression as well. It can be hard, but every day and every week is an opportunity to try something new and feel better. I had to wait two years after I was approved to get medicare. Health care is a really big problem in the US. Take Care and know that I understand.

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