Through The Depths

I feel as though I am really slogging through the pits this weekend.   Yesterday I came _this_ close to quitting Empire Avenue.    I get so darned frustrated when folks take my mission eaves and don’t do what I asked in the mission.   In my heart I know that my marketing friends who say a 40–50% completion rate is excellent are right.   Yet I can’t help thinking that we’re supposed to be friends,  rather than doing business.    And I find it hard to feel the love in a fifty percent completion rate.

I know that it is largely a question of being depressed and feeling down and of having possibly unrealistic expectations and reacting in the worst possible way when they are not met.   I know that there are and will always be limits to what people will do for play money.    My friends who visit and comment each day may be prompted to do so by the eaves,  yet I am certain that if there were not genuine caring and goodwill they would never bother.   It is so hard when I feel so down to force my.self to count my blessings and cherish my friends and not let myself rage and scream about people who take the eaves and don’t do what they are asked.    I find myself thinking this afternoon that I wish I could draw a thick dark blanket over this blog when I get so very, very down.   So as not to let anyone see me at what I know is my worst


2 comments on “Through The Depths

  1. Just so you know…

    I have your post delivered to my email account every day. I know I don’t comment daily, but I read your post without prompting from EAv. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever taken up one of your missions.

    I also suffer from dark depressions from time to time, though I’ve never allowed myself to be diagnosed. When those bouts hit me, I do the unhealthy opposite of you: I hold it all in. Or, if I’m really lucky, I channel it into my novels.

    Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with the rest of us.

  2. Depression is not a comfortable thing, but considering the number of people who experience it, we need someone like you, Alan, who has made a commitment for daily posts to be real ESPECIALLY in the bad times.

    I’m having a really tough time, myself, right now. I want to quit everything & simply disappear. However, I know from experience that it is not good to make decisions when I am like this. As someone else more eloquently said, do not doubt in darkness what you believed in the light.

    I’m sorry I have not been more vocal, my friend, but like Susan, I see your daily posts, and they all have purpose. Also want to remind you that you are not alone.


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