There But Not There (This Bear’s Not Dead Yet)

There,  but not there.    That’s kind of how I feel today.    Sometimes on the Internet,   things move so fast that it is easy to forget how large  this planet is,   how far away many of the people you speak with really are and how much of life simply can not be accessed on a screen nor controlled with a mouse.

I have mentioned before that I suffer from bipolar disorder.   I have been taking medicine for it,  though I am about to run out of seroquel and not planning to splurge on a doctor’s appointment until February so not sure if I will have more after tomorrow,  at least for a time.   When I have a manic episode I may remain awake for 48 hours or more,  feeling highly motivated and energetic.    I may accomplish a great deal during a manic cycle.   Why just last week  (wasn’t it?) I negotiated a publishing contract with an author,  made a big announcement about it,   bought a domain and put up a web site for my new author,  and did I suspect six other impossible things as well before breakfast.

So my manic cycle passed,    I slept twelve hours.    Then had kind of a day from hell.   My newly signed author  and I had a bit of a mis-communication of the sort that might take several days to sort out.   I had a long and pointless argument with a good friend I talk to every day and see usually every week or so.   I set out to defend the idea that  “logic is not necessarily always the winner over emotion”.   (I am more emotional than logical and was arguing This topic with a guy who thinks more or less like Mr. Spock.)   I even managed to have a fight with my spouse.  #SOnotMyDay

I have decided to press forward with publishing Black And White.    In my considered opinion it is a brilliant bit of literature.   And I will print out and archive the messages from the author stating that I have permission to publish it.    I’ve written her a snail mail telling her she is more than welcome to quit Facebook and Twitter and not be an ‘online personality’.   But I have begged her to keep writing.   I stopped arguing with my friend and we are just talking again.   And my spouse is listening to music and smiling and nodding with his headphones on.    So maybe I could call this post   A Better Day  🙂

(Or if I were a children’s book writer I would call it Alan and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.)


14 comments on “There But Not There (This Bear’s Not Dead Yet)

  1. I like your blog here from Empire Avenue. I deal with a lot of kids and older children so this is up my alley. I shared this on my twitter and facebook. I am following you also so I can keep up to date on all your latest post:) Thanks a lot!


  2. I think you should go ahead and publish it if she’s really that good and you have her permission. She could be having her own episode not being able to contact you and all, she’ll thank you after the book becomes a hit. 🙂

  3. Thanks for sharing. I too struggle with the same “blessing that is also a curse” that you mentioned and have shared many frustrating days at extremes of both spectrum of the cycle. As I’m sure you know, hang in there…this too shall pass in due time. Until then, best wishes and find the silver lining.

  4. Seroquel can be a life saver. I’m on something different now but those meds are sometimes vital to us being ‘normal’.

    Wishing you all the best and many days of moderate mind.

    • To some extent I am resolved to having to just ride the ups and downs. The seroquel Definitely helps, though I have learned over the years I generally do myself no favors by trying to ignore the up and down gyrations but to learn to accommodate and live with them. I actually do some really great work when I am up and mostly avoid making an ass of myself when I am down. “Normal” is not really a goal for me, but I think I am managing fairly well, all things considered.

  5. We need these tough times to really appreciate the good times when they come….good you decided to push ahead and publish….fingers crossed the great days are just ahead! Good Luck. ProfileTree.

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